A case of too much info and too much thinking

I finally got my heart results back. It turns out my heart is functioning 12% less than what it used to prior to treatment. Whether that's good or bad, I'm not completely sure yet. "Ejection Fraction", which is the measurement of my heart's ability to pump blood out my heart with each beat has been reduced from 72% to 60%. I've been told that 60% is still considered normal, but to find out where exactly my heart "lost points" for lack of a better word will be explained to me on Thursday. My oncologist needs to consult the cardiologist that reviewed my heart to see if I can still proceed with Herceptin. When I asked what the risks were, I was told "heart failure". :S I go back to the hospital tomorrow for a long chat with my oncologist, blood work and what may be my first treatment of Herceptin, if the cardiologist gives the okay.

My legs are the worst its ever been and fatigue is definitely sinking in. Saturday night I came home and some kid pulled the fire alarm in my building, which automatically disabled our elevators. I had to walk seven flights of stairs and it made me so tired that I spent all day in bed on Sunday. Yesterday, I was in the kitchen making myself a cup of coffee and just standing in the kitchen stirring my cup with sugar and cream made my legs want to buckle. I don't think I'll ever get used to this.

My right eye has exactly one bottom eyebrow left, my left has three. The hair on my head was growing, but the last chemo cycle made it fall out again, so I gave it a nice shave to make it even and hopefully the hair will start to grow back in soon.

Radiation is scheduled for February 5th at Princess Margaret. I love this hospital. I'm going to see if I can switch oncologists to someone there. I just don't have a good feeling about my current oncologist. She's good, she knows her stuff, but she's always so busy to address my concerns fully and when she does I'm not really satisfied. I feel like just a file or a number to her and not a patient, a person fighting for her life. I don't know...maybe it's just me...a classic case of too much thinking, but I live life following my gut and my gut doesn't feel too right at the moment. When I talked to her yesterday, she wanted to get me started on Herceptin immediately, but when I asked her about my heart and whether it was okay to continue treatment considering my heart function dropped I made her second guess herself. This is supposed to be someone who's supposed to save my life, not give me heart failure. I don't know...I've got alot on my mind. Reality sunk in yesterday hearing this news and like I've said before, talking to the doctors can be real depressing! They make me realize how serious this thing is and it turns my lil' ol smile upside down, but don't worry I'll turn in back around soon....always do! ;)