Road Block

I've had a rough few days, but am doing much better today. Last Thursday I went back to St. Mike's for blood work and it turns out I'm anemic, hopefully temporary. This didn't surprise me because the drop in my energy levels were drastic. As for my legs, I've been told that it's "normal", but each day just gets worse. Before, it was just walking up stairs that ached, now I can't walk very far and stand for very long. Yesterday, I couldn't stand long enough in the elevator to go up seven flights. PATHETIC! I noticed yesterday that my ankles are swollen and a bit sore too. I'm going to have to show my oncologist this Thursday when I see her again.

Now for the road block:

It turns out that my ejection fraction is at the bare bottom of normal. Meaning, if I start Herceptin then it will further decrease my heart's ability to function normally and I put myself at risk of heart failure. If I don't take Herceptin then I'm at a very high risk of the cancer coming back OR if there's a cancer cell still in my body then the HER2 protein will cause it to grow rapidly and spread. HER2 protein does not respond well to chemo, it's only Herceptin. My oncologist has decided that I go in for another heart test this Wednesday to see if there's been any change. We're both hoping that there's been an improvement.

I can honestly say that since I've been diagnosed this news really broke me. And to think, I thought the worst part of it was over! Since all this started this is the very first time I actually lost a bit of hope. I actually felt that I was losing this battle and that God's plan might just be that I die young. The thoughts in my head were uncontrollable. I know what you're all thinking, "Don't talk like that Jenny." Trust me, I know what I sound like and I hate it, but you know, what else could I think or feel? I'm just being honest with my feelings...no sugar added! I spent Thursday and Friday really down, trying to get myself out of his hole. Thankfully, after a good cry and seeing some friends and my niece over the weekend I'm much better. What a ride that one was!!

So Wednesday I have another heart test and I find out the results on Thursday. Until then, my head is up!