Bummed!

So I threw up all night last night. It was awful. At one point there was nothing left in my stomach so the little bit of water that I was drinking was coming out with a ton of gagging and twisting of my insides. Nothing stayed in my stomach longer than 10 minutes. I was getting worried about the water not staying down because I know how important it is to get rid of the chemo in my bladder. This is definitely 'thee' worst bout of nausea I've had. I found myself moaning and moaning in pain just simply lying down and the thought of the movie, "Dying Young" came back to mind. I even contemplated sleeping in the bathroom last night because I was getting up so often. I ended up taking a Gravol and that put me to bed for the rest of the night.

I'm also VERY bummed out because yesterday I talked to my oncologist who lied to me for whatever reason about my chemo. It turns out that Taxotere isn't any less aggressive. I was prescribed steroids since I started chemo and I have not taken it due to the horror stories I hear about the side effects...blowing up being one of them. She told me that I HAVE TO take to steroids now that I'm going to be on Taxotere. I don't have a choice. If I don't take it I might have an allergic reaction. I also heard that during the administration of it that ice packs will be applied to my wrists to help ease the pain in my hands. I thought, "What??". And that's when she told me, "Jenny, this is a very aggressive drug." and I said, "But you told me that the last three are not as aggressive?" and she said, "No, it's aggressive, but don't worry you're almost done and we'll celebrate soon." I can't even think about celebrating, I feel lied to and bummed out. I thought I had the worst part over with. She said it's less nausea, but more aches and pains. So basically same sh!t, different pile. I feel as though the finish line is sooo far away now. All that joy about being half way has been flushed down the toilet.

My mouth has that nasty taste again and I'm weak. Last night I was cold and shivering like Campbell Scott in that damn movie. What a crappy day (and night). I can't wait til' I feel better again so I can see the 'light' again. Right now, this all just sucks. Yesterday was such a lonnng night. And to top it off, I have to somehow make it back to the hospital today to get my shot of Neulasta, but I'm too weak. I have to find the strength somehow...

Bummed.