Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007

2007. Hmm, well January 4th marks my final chemo cycle. Mentally, it's been quite tough the last few days with just things on my mind and some anxieties about recovering and my physical appearance. I hope to start doing some cardio next week to get back in shape because my legs have been aching for weeks now. The water retention, hair loss (eye brows and lashes) and the fact that I'm breaking out pains me to look at myself in the mirror. I joke to my neice that I have the big dipper on my face!

As for the anxieties, well my body's changing and adjusting to the steroids and the new chemo. My body's also dwindling because I'm five cycles in. My periods have finally stopped (I was expecting it to stop last month) and that must have some kind of toll on me as well...temporary menopausal side effects, perhaps? Who knows. Regardless, I'll be okay. I'm tired of reading up on the net about this stuff because after a while it all sounds the same. It's just another uphill climb and I'm used to that. I still have a lot of fight in me, so I'm not worried. It's just a phase and I know I'll get over it, always do! :)

You know, there was a time in August when this blog was not yet created and I had to deal with alot of issues and make alot of decisions. It was a stressful month because I had to face the fact that I had cancer for one. I had to quit smoking, leave work and simply deal with this...fight this head on. I had to make decisions regarding my life and future that I wasn't prepared to like my future unborn children. Yes, unborn children! It was something from left field that I didn't know I had to face. Chemo puts me at risk of early and permanent menopause. I was offered in vitro, which I declined and said to myself, "If it was meant to be, it was meant to be" and left it at that. I couldn't think of kids when I had cancer to deal with. There was some one who told me to take one step at a time and one day at a time, and it was great advice. I've been doing it since. I've been saying, "I'll cross that bridge when it comes" and now with not menstruating I'm crossing that bridge. I'm crossing a bridge that may not be there for me to walk back to. I'm now at risk of permanent menopause and only time will tell if I was destined to have children. I know I shouldn't worry, but I can't help it, you know? I've seen some of my friends kids during Christmas and they are sooo cute. It just makes me wonder if I'll ever have any. Ok, I'll stop now. I'm beginning to get too emotional over this.

I am also beginning to worry about the upcoming radiation and how it will affect my heart, lungs and skin. Can you tell I need some good ol' me time to re-centre myself? lol! So there's a peek into my little head of mine. I know some of you have been waiting for an update and I haven't written because sometimes I feel as though my thoughts weigh too much on the pain and negative side of things, but then a week passes and I say to myself, "well I gotta write something", so I just tell it like it is...good ol' Jenny style...straight up! ;)

I'd like to sincerely and I mean sincerely wish all of you a Happy New Year. Thank you sooooo much for being my crutch during this crazy period in my life. I wish for each of you good health, happiness and love.

I love all of you!

MUAH!
Jen