An Unexpected Blessing

I got suckered into joining Facebook earlier this week. I've resisted for just over a month now, but my brother joined and informed me of how many old friends, mostly high school ones, are on there. I caved. Just when I thought there wasn't any one from my past that I wanted to reunite with, I find myself addicted to this site because of all of the old friends I'm reconnecting with. At one point or another I've been very close with each of them, and being on this journey fighting to just "survive" now, well, I can't help but look back and remember how that phase in my life was one of the best times I've ever lived. I was young, care-free, spontaneous, slightly irresponsible, healthy and life was F-U-N! I am who I am today because of that and because of them.

I'm completely overwhelmed by the love I'm receiving from those who are just finding out about my condition. God couldn't plan it any better for me. They probably don't know it, but I'm two days away from what you may call the finish line, but I prefer "checkpoint". To be constantly worrying about my heart and all the "what if's" it entails, this is an Unexpected Blessing. They've given me added strength to keep fighting on and to keep on hoping.

It brought a tear to my eye when a friend wrote to me and said, "For as long as I've known you, you've never accepted pity from anyone..." I don't know why those words touched me that way, but I just shivered inside. That was a big part of my identity when I was in school and I forgot. I forgot that about me and she reminded me. Looking back now, I've been wrapped up in this fight for a year now because I found the lump in March, and just hearing how an old friend remembers me...well, let's just say it gave me a shiver...in a good way. :)

I've been in this ring punching away at the enemy and if, just "IF", I lose this battle, those words, in some odd way, makes me feel somewhat content with the imprint I'll leave behind. I can't speak for anyone else in my shoes, but for me, that's a big part of having death as your shadow. I'm scared to leave because there's obviously so much I still want and need to do (like make me a mini me.) There are wrongs I need to make right, but more importantly I wonder what imprint I will leave behind. Will it be good or bad? I'm not perfect, but I'm content and that's a big relief for me. It puts me at peace with myself.

I didn't realize that this month marks one year since finding the lump until I started writing this. What a crazy year it's been. For those close to me then, the not knowing, the waiting, the tests and retests were utter torture for me and one year later, tomorrow, I finish the major treatments (chemo & radiation). Talk about full circle, huh?! It's been a wild ride...there are friends that have endured with me every step of the way, friends that have sadly disappeared and now I have reunited with old friends to join me at the finish line, but you know me, I prefer "checkpoint". ;)

Life is great!

There's no better way for me to end this post than with my favorite quote, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Have a fabulous day everyone! ;)

P.S. I still have to develop the roll of FILM (be nice Ted) where Jun shaved my head into a mohawk! I'll try to get that done today and post it. I was very sick the day he shaved my head, so don't expect anything cute and cuddly, like how I normally am! :P