HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Yes, that's right I made it to 30!! There was a point where I wasn't sure if I'd be here, but I am and I'm thankful. That doesn't mean that I'm no longer a "hospital whore" though. Today I had an ultrasound. It's almost been a year since my diagnosis and the incision area still remains very hard. My oncologist said it's most likely fibrosis (excess scar tissue), but ordered the ultrasound just to be sure because she didn't want to assume and she's just that kind of doctor! I love her! There was a point in my treatment where I wanted to change, but looking back I realize that I was just weak from chemo and very needy.

So in I went. I'm introduced to Monica who will be doing my ultrasound today. She looks at my date of birth and wishes me a happy 30th. I tell her, "Last year wasn't the greatest birthday for me, please don't be the bearer of bad news...I don't want a repeat of last year." I then tell her that I'm kidding. Anyway, to make a long story short, she examines my entire left breast and finds "something" foreign. She walks out of the room and 15 minutes later a doctor enters the room with Monica to examine me herself. Bottom line is that she's concerned and is recomending that I go in for an MRI.

How do I feel? Well, to be honest, I'm a bit pissed off. I just came back from the hell of chemo, grew me some nice hair and pink nails. But hey, if I have to do it again, I will. I'll do twice as many cycles if I have to. This is just a bummer. Even if it comes back benign, my doctor might tell me to go in for a mastecomy just to be safe. YIKES! :S And like I've said before the not knowing is probably the worst mentally. I'm trying not to think about it, I'm trying to think positive, but it's hard. I'm filled with "what if's".