Beaten up, but alive

It's Tuesday and I'm feeling better, but not a 100%. I took a beating this weekend. Where do I begin? Well, let's start off where I left you which was right before going to the hospital for my shot of Neulasta.

I finally got myself dressed and made my way over to the hospital. I was supposed to have "home care", which would have a nurse come by my place to inject the shot, but something happened and the forms were not filled out in time. I took my weak self over to the hospital and the nurses were surprised to see me so nauseous. I told them how much I was vomiting the night before and they paged my oncologist immediately and sat me in a chair. My oncologist came by and was concerned that I lost too many fluids so ordered the nurses to set up an IV and to also give me some meds through there. Just to let you know how out of it I was, I let the nurse set up the IV in my hand knowing well enough that I had a port and should have used it. Everything was just difficult...talking, walking, standing, thinking, you name it. A poke in the hand is a poke. I didn't have the strength to tell her otherwise. I left the hospital four hours later. My oncologist wanted to admit me, but I just wanted home.

The nausea didn't get any better. I spent all of Saturday, Sunday and some of Monday in bed waking up for only a few minutes at a time. I was curled up hoping that I'd wake up feeling better, but that never came. This was bad! I actually had thoughts of dying. I was wondering if this is what it felt like and was pretty sure that it would be something like it. Thinking that I had three more cycles of this was just tiring. I wanted to throw in the towel.

The weekend is a blur...it was a very long episode of nausea. My brother on the other hand was a super nurse and took very good care of me. So, thank you Jun...I love you! :-)

I haven't been able to eat much yet. My insides feel very weak and worn out. The nasty chemical taste in my mouth is ever-present resulting in whatever I put in my mouth to taste...well, not so good. I'm gagging more than the two previous cycles, but nothing is coming out. Then again, there's not much in my stomach. I do feel better though, just not a 100%. Hopefully the taste in my mouth goes away, so I can eat a real meal soon.

To everyone who sent their thoughts, love, or light (Shelly), "Thank you!" I wish you all would know how much the little gesture helps me and what it does to my spirit. If I could give it back in some way I would, just so you can have a taste of what its like. It's a piece of Heaven! I love you guys and am so thankful that I have you in my life.

Jen