Can I stay here for a little longer?
I woke up at 6:47am with my first thought being, "What day is it today?....Wednesday!" A rush of sadness and anxiety are here to visit me today. This is NOT good.
Tomorrow I start Taxotere. My side effects? Weight gain, aches and pains, pins and needles, swollen joints, possibility of losing my eyelashes and eye brows, an even lower drop in white blood cells than the FEC100 which means I need to be extra careful than I already am. The list goes on, but I'd rather not talk about it. I'll be feeling it for next few days or even weeks and that's enough for me.
My second thought? "I have to take a steroid this morning....I don't want to!" :( I got out of bed and am one big sucky baby. I'm obviously still not sleeping well because I'm sleeping late and waking up naturally at the break of dawn. I really don't want tomorrow to come. I really don't want to take this steroid. I don't want the weight gain and I'd like to keep my eyebrows and eye lashes. THIS SUCKS! As you can see I'm anxiety-filled. I have anxiety pills from my oncologist, but I don't want to take them. I filled the prescription just in case I ever needed it, but am so against taking it. I don't want to become dependant on them and I'd rather duke this out on my own. Ya, stubborn, I know, but that's me.
I've never not wanted a day to come before. Tomorrow is...umm, a whole other ball game and I don't want to play. I'm starting to tear up. I'd rather stay here, today, for a little while longer. Can I stay here with you for just a little longer and laugh a little more? Can today stay and tomorrow not come? I want to hide!
posted by Zuni (a.k.a Jenny) at 7:21 AM
6 Comments:
Here are some jokes that I hope will put a smile on your face. I wish I could be like superman and fly around the earth super fast in the wrong direction to stop tomorrow from coming. I'm with you PEARL. Luv ya kid.
Ted
"HELLO, I'D LIKE TO TALK TO THE PERSON WHO GIVES THE INFORMATION REGARDING YOUR PATIENTS. I'D LIKE TO FIND OUT IF THE PATIENT IS GETTING BETTER, DOING AS EXPECTED OR IS GETTING WORSE."
THE VOICE ON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE SAID,
"WHAT IS THE PATIENTS NAME AND ROOM NUMBER?" SHE SAID, "SARA FINKLE, IN ROOM 302."
"I WILL CONNECT YOU WITH THE NURSING STATION."
"3-A NURSING STATION. HOW CAN I HELP YOU?"
"I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW THE CONDITION OF SARA FINKLE IN ROOM 302."
"JUST A MOMENT. LET ME LOOK AT HER RECORDS. OH YES, MRS. FINKLE IS DOING VERY WELL. IN FACT SHE'S HAD TWO FULL MEALS,
HER BLOOD PRESSURE IS FINE AND HER BLOOD WORK JUST CAME BACK AS NORMAL. SHE'S GOING TO BE TAKEN OFF THE HEART MONITOR IN A COUPLE OF HOURS AND IF SHE CONTINUES THIS IMPROVEMENT. DR. COHEN IS GOING TO SEND HER HOME TUESDAY AT TWELVE O' CLOCK."
THE WOMAN SAID," THANK GOD! THAT'S WONDERFUL OH! THAT'S FANTASTIC. THAT'S WONDERFUL NEWS! "
THE NURSE SAID," FROM YOUR ENTHUSIASM, I TAKE IT YOU MUST BE A CLOSE FAMILY MEMBER OR A VERY CLOSE FRIEND!"
"NOT EXACTLY, I AM SARAH FINKEL IN ROOM 302! AND NOBODY HERE TELLS ME ANYTHING!"
***********************************
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says,
"Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am."
The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right backup.
"Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks.
"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says,
"Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"Noooo, I have not, reverend."
The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone,
"My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher,
"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
November 15, 2006 9:36 AM
I wish I could take away everything that you're going through right now. Reading your thoughts just makes me feel quite helpless.
Jun, give Jenn a ginourmous hug for me! (did i spell that correctly? - oh well)
Val
November 15, 2006 12:45 PM
I wish you didn't have to go through any of it. I wish there was a better way to kick cancer in the butt. I wish there was something I could say or do to help make it better. Can't wait until the day that you're ok again.
November 15, 2006 1:38 PM
I'm in no position to say this... but plow through it, Jenny. You can do it. It will be tough, but I'm praying for you. Sending angels your way. Fight.
I know, easier said than done, and I don't know what it's like. It sucks that all I can do is sit by the sidelines, and cheer you on. So please fight.
November 15, 2006 1:47 PM
Oh Jen... we were here when you started, we're here while you go through it, and we'll be here still after all these. One step at a time... baby steps...
Row
Speaking of steps, I hope you like this:
Footprints in the Sand
written by Mary Stevenson
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.
Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."
The LORD replied:
"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
November 15, 2006 4:32 PM
Hi babes,
I wish oh i wish i could take this from you. Hang in there I know you can do it and I know it is easy for me to say this as I am not you. I am here shining that light for you I hope you can see it but no matter what I will hold the light until you do. I am praying for you ..... we all are.
Love you lots.
Shelly M
November 16, 2006 9:10 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home