Cardiologist

Tomorrow morning I'm back at St. Mike's for my first meeting with the cardiologist there. I'm a little nervous. I hope to hear some good news tomorrow, like a drug to protect my heart while I go through Herceptin, but I'm not flying my plane too high on that. I figure this drug would have been brought up, if it existed, during my second dose of Herceptin, but it wasn't.

Other than that, I'm fighting fatigue and slowly recovering. I tend to feel energetic one minute and then I crash the next. The skin that was affected by radiation is burnt, but healing. I get these random sharp pains in my breast throughout the day, but thankfully it only lasts a few seconds. The skin under my arm broke and that's also healing. My nails are growing back pink, but some of the tips are no longer "glued" to my finger. I know, it's gross, but it sounds worse than what it really is. My hair is growing back and growing back all over. I have bottom eyelashes again and my eyebrows are filling in slowly. Believe it or not, I feel VERY hairy! After being bald for so long, all this hair is quite disturbing. :) I've also been trying to exercise my brain to prepare myself for the "real world" again. I was supposed to test my reaction to the hormonal treatments last week, but didn't. I'm just so tired of dealing with these side effects. I'm going to start tomorrow after my appointment. :S

Mentally, I have good days and bad. Good when I'm alone or with family and bad when I'm exposed to the outside world. When it's bad I feel as if I'm floating or drifting along. There's me and then there's the rest of the world. A world caught up with money, looks, success, materialistic possessions, "the hussle" and what not and me who's just, I don't know...me. I seriously need to figure out my new place in the world and I trust that I'll get there, but it's just like, "WHEN!" I pray that it will be sooner than later.

I'm going to bed now, good night!