V.I.P
I should have posted this story a while ago, but I just haven't found the time to do so. On Friday September 7th, the day after my Herceptin treatment, I checked myself into emergency at Scarborough General Hospital. Earlier that day, I was at Mt. Sinai and as I was driving home I turned my A/C on and off and I found that my chest was getting tight, it was becoming difficult for me to breathe. By the time I got home, I was so tired, all I wanted to do was sleep. I laid down, closed my eyes and thought, "What if this is the Herceptin and my heart is really weak right now? What if my heart just stops while I'm sleeping???" A part of me laughed at the thought, but another part of me was freaked out! There was no way I could sleep.
I got up, drove myself over to the nearest hospital and checked myself in. The funny thing is that when you look at me I look healthy. With my hair growing back and all the fat around my bones from the meds, I look a-ok. So when I told the lady at the front desk that I wanted to check myself in, she looked at me puzzled and said questionably, "What for??" I then informed her, "I'm a breast cancer patient and just had Herceptin treatment yesterday and my chest is feeling really tight. I'm having difficulty breathing and I'm afraid it might be a result of my treatment yesterday..." She sat me down, took my vitals and some basic info and told me to wait to get myself registered. I waited for half an hour to get registered, but once I was registered, I was immediately given a bed in a room. I say, "in a room" because there were patients in beds in the hallway. 15 minutes after that, a nurse came in and took some blood and gave me oxygen. 15 minutes after that I was seen by the doctor. I know all of this because there was nothing to do or look at but the clock that was right in front of me. I thought, "Damn, having cancer has it's privileges here in the ER!"
About an hour later, another nurse came in and wanted to take more blood, but from an artery and not a vein. She explained to me they wanted to test the blood that my heart was pumping to my lungs to see how much oxygen it's carrying. I asked the nurse, "so where are you taking blood???" and she said nonchalantly, "Just the inside of your wrist - it hurts a little more than getting blood from a vein because there are a lot of nerves inside your wrist." Yeah, you can imagine how excited I was to hear that!! I'm not afraid of needles, but I am afraid of being poked in such delicate places. The doctor ordered a chest x-ray as well and I can't lie, but I was so frightened that the cause might have been that the cancer spread to my lungs!
Happily, after approximately three hours after I was discharged. It took just over an hour to get the results back from the blood and another two hours or so for Scarborough Gen to obtain my chart by fax from St. Mike's. It was hard to pinpoint what happened to me. After they took blood and gave me oxygen I started to feel normal again, so it was difficult for the doctor to diagnose me. My stepmother was convinced that it was a combination of me having a really awful allergy season this year and the fact that I went from an air-conditioning environment to a non-air conditioning environment. I ran this thought to the doctor and he said, "it's very possible". Thursday and Friday were very humid days and he said that alot of asthma patients were coming in.
I will never really know happened to be that day. It was a little scary because I was all alone and in a hospital where all these tests were being run on me and I just had to sit and wait it out with the fear that the cancer was back, but in my lungs, or that the Herceptin has made major damage to my heart. You know, I guess I will never take anything that happens to my body lightly any more. I don't think any one with cancer ever will. Any little ache or pain will always bring up the dreaded question, "Is it back??"
It was an interesting Friday night to say the least. I saw an attempted suicide patient who slit her neck with a razor and was bleeding and refusing treatment from the nurses. She had blood all over her gown and it dripping down her leg. They sat her in the hallway just outside of my room. Oh lovely!! It was downright horrifying! I had the choice of staring back at that clock in front of me or looking at her in wonder. I couldn't help but be fascinated by the story each patient carries with them and the nurses that are so used to what I think is madness in that emergency room - some fighting for life and some wanting to end theirs. It's crazy!
Since then, I haven't had any chest pain or difficulty breathing. I guess my stepmother was right and it was the humidity. Who knows! I'm just glad it wasn't anything major! Now I have one more hospital card to add to my collection. ;)
posted by Zuni (a.k.a Jenny) at 3:17 PM
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