Living Life Backwards

This is from an email I received...it's good!

Living Life Backwards

I want to live my next life backwards.
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then
When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get
ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every
day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Bad dreams, Sores and more...

Today is a bad day. I have sores all over the inside of my mouth and it hurts to talk, swallow, drink, eat and just simply, be. It's all along the sides of my tongue and gargling with salt water and Biotene is just not working. This morning is my first really bad day I've had in a while.

On top of that, I've been having some disturbing dreams. I don't know if this is a side effect of the chemo, but I can't sleep an entire night without having to wake up scared or confused. This has been going on for a while now and I forget most of the dream by the time I wake up, so I'm unable to tell anyone about it. Last night I was dreaming my hair was falling out in chunks, big chunks and I was alone with nobody to comfort me.

I woke up at 6:30am this morning because of that dream and checked my temperature as my body felt hot and achy. Sure enough my temperature was at 100.02F/37.79C, which is a bit high. My oncologist always tells me to be mindful of a fever and to go to emergency if my temperature exceeds 100F or 37C. I was only .02F above the 100F cut-off, but was worried. I left her a message telling her that I'd monitor my temperature to see if gets worse and will admit myself if need be. As I write this post, I'm currently at 99.5F/37.5C, so still high, but below the point I need to be concerned.

My head aches, my body aches, I need a brand new mouth and I pray this goes away soon! Dan always asks me to rate my day between 0 - 100 and today would be a 15.

Feeling crappy,
Jen

Cold

As a result of having a low white blood count, I'm sick! :( My throat feels raw and my nose is stuffy and at times, runny. I bought some good ol' Buckleys this afternoon, but I have to wait to hear back from my oncologist just to make sure it's alright for me to take. I'm taking Vitamin C for the time-being. "OH WELL!"

I shot a wedding yesterday for a co-worker of mine. I wasn't sick then, I was actually feeling pretty good, just tired. I suffered from extreme dry mouth during the shoot, that was about it...or so I thought. It was when I finally drank water that I realized that my throat was raw. As the hours passed I noticed my nose acting up. I had to admit it, I was sick!

Other than that, I've been okay, both emotionally and physically. I was feeling fatigue the pass few days, but now I'm thinking it must be this cold that I caught.

I need white blood cells to fight this off!! But guess what? I'm STILL smiling and I have enough fight in me to fight this off too! =D

White blood cells

I just got back from the hospital. I went this morning at 11:15am for my one week post chemo test. They assume that today would be a low white blood cell count day and wanted to see exactly how low it would be. If they find that I'm extremely low, they would inject me with a drug called, Neulasta, which would help increase my white blood count. I had to wait for the results...they said it would take an hour. Three hours later I was bored, hungry, thirsty and bored...yes, two times B-O-R-E-D! The results finally arrived and I scored 3.19. I had no idea what that meant and I'm sure you don't either. They say normal is between 4.3 - 11, so I'm definitely low, but not so low that I need Neulasta. I was released from the hospital with practically my entire day spent at the hospital...again! Oh well, I'm actually getting used to the hospital routine that it no longer irritates me. I just know that hospital days equal time waiting and wasted. Next time I'm bringing a book or music with me!

So it looks like I'm on track...I'm scheduled for cycle #2 on October 5th. I'm feeling as good as I can be considering. My appetite came back a few days ago, my strength is average and the dry mouth is perpetual! I removed the bandaging from my port today and it looks alright. I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing something foreign sticking out of my skin like that. The actual site of the port is still very tender. I'll try to take new pictures of it soon.

Don't forget to check out www.zuniphotography.blogspot.com to view some of my photographs. I encourage you to leave comments for me as I still consider myself a student in this field and would appreciate any feedback.

Take care for now!

Zuni
"мY LiFе ιѕ A вEauTiFuL меLodΥ…опLy tHe LYяісS aRe мEѕSеd uP."

Hair loss?

I'm not sure if I'm going crazy, but I just ran my fingers through the back of my head and six hairs came out. :( I used to shed alot with my long hair, but didn't think it would be the same with my new short do. OH MY! This is crazy...I now know what it feels like to skip a heartbeat! sniff, sniff...

Here's my new do...if you can see it!


  

These were taken the day after I got my port in. You can actually see it sticking out my skin. YUCKY! The good thing is that it's healing nicely!

 
  

PHOTOGRAPHS

I've posted some photographs of mine on a new blog. Check it out under, "Links" or www.zuniphotography.blogspot.com

Friday and Saturday (day 2 & 3)

Good morning!

I had wireless keyboard issues on Saturday and couldn't fix it until now, so here I am and no, it wasn't the batteries! :P

On Friday I was magically well. I woke up and started this blog and for the entire day I was fine with the exception of a mild headache and dry mouth. I was able to eat solid foods and drink my fluids. What a complete change from the night before! I kept thanking the Higher Being for saving me from having a day like Thursday.

Saturday, I woke up at 8:30am. My brother, Jun, warmed up some leftover food from the night before and the smell of it was just awful to me. I decided to lie down in my room to avoid the nausea feeling. I was extremely weak. I woke up every now and then just couldn't get up. I kept thinking to myself, "Are my white blood cells down today, is this what it feels like, how can I find strength to get up, am I going to be in bed ALL day??? I HAVE to get up, I have to GET UP!!" And finally at 4:30pm, I sat up and was able to get out of bed. UNBELIEVABLE! I forced down some food and tried to catch up on the 8-10 glasses of fluid I should have been drinking that day instead of being in bed and that alone gave me some strength.

I decided to attend my friend's housewarming/b'day party that night with my bro. I would be surrounded by my closest friends that I consider family, so I knew I would be in good hands. I didn't want to miss it, but I didn't know how long I would last either. Thing is, when your in my shoes and you have a choice of a.) Feeling like a cancer patient alone at home or b.) Being with friends, taking pictures and forgetting that there's this crazy thing you have to go through called, "chemo"...it's an easy decision! My friends were great! I didn't get laughed at about my boy-cut and my friends made sure I was comfortable and that my glass of water was always filled!

It's Sunday morning and I'm okay. The dry mouth is mild and there are no signs of nausea...yet! My oncologist prescribed these wonderful nausea pills, but for only 3 days, so I'm out since today is day 4. If the nausea kicks in, then I have other pills to take, but they knock me out. :( I'll just cross my fingers that the nausea is gone for now and not coming back until cycle #2! Mind over matter, mind - over - matter!

Take care for now!

P.S. Lisa: I hope all the hard work you put into your wedding paid off and that you had the wedding of your dreams! I wish I could've been there, but I didn't have enough strength to party it up with you there. Happy Honeymooning in Hawaii and I'll talk to you soon. MUAH!

First day of Chemo

So I arrived at the hospital at 8:30am yesterday with my best friend, Marianne. They gave me a bag of IV, so yes, I lost my 'port-a-cath virginity' yesterday. It didn't hurt as much as I thought considering the area is still very tender from getting it put in only two days prior. I woke up yesterday morning and the port healed so much in that one night, it was unbelievable! I am able to sleep on my side now with care and move my neck freely now. Thank God that's over!

My chemo starts with 3 cycles of FEC 100 followed by 3 cycles of Taxotere. Each cycle is once every 3 weeks. One cycle of FEC 100 consists of one bag of pre-meds to help with the nausea. I had a smaller bag drip over a 30 min. span, a larger bag drip over an hour span and 3 sringes injected over a couple of minutes. The sringes are supposed to make my urine red...but in actuality it was more like, "Mango Madness". Haha! I'm a part-time photographer and wish I had brought my camera to take a picture of this since I have a picture of my blue pee from the sentinal node biopsy! LOL! Maybe next time.

The nurses were great, and once again, my first day wasn't even close to how bad as I thought it would be. Come to think of it, it was actually a very good day. Being w/my best friend who played my "chemo buddy" yesterday it felt as if we were just having girl talk and quality time, but in a hospital.

I was released from the hospital at 3pm (it took the porters a while to bring down my chemo). I went to the mall and saw my hairdresser and told him to chop my hair even shorter. I have such thick hair and it was too "POOFY" for my liking. I bought 2 hats and my friend bought me one, then the nausea slowly started to creep in. This all started about an hour after I was released from the hospital. My friend and I tried to find the nearest cab to go home. I knew the nausea kicked in when we passed "Kernals" and the smell of the popcorn almost made me vomit right there and then!

I ate a drumstick and lots of bread for dinner, took a nausea pill and drank tons of fluids. The nausea pill knocked me out, like Gravol would so I woke up an hour later and was able to catch the season premiere of Survivor. During Survivor the nausea was creeping up again, but stronger...I threw up twice. :(

LESSON: Don't have orange juice when nauseated!

I went to bed at around 10:30pm after taking another (stronger) nausea pill (I have three kinds) and here I am this morning. I feel alright...not too much nausea, but a little headache that's tolerable.


I'll let you know how day two goes.

Zuni (aka Jenny)

P.S. Waking up with BED HEAD is soooo funny!
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"LiVe LiFe aS aN eXcLaMatIoN, nOt aN eXpLaNaTioN!"