How I've Been...

It's been over three months since I last wrote on my blog. I stopped because I just didn't have much to say that was new or exciting.

Yesterday, I had treatment. It was my third last Herceptin treatment and then I'M DONE! Yes, that's right, I'm done! It would be myself in and out of the hospital for over a year and half of treatment, ALL DONE!! I have my next treatment scheduled on Jan. 31st and my last one on Feb. 21st. Am I excited? Of course! Am I scared? HELL YEAH! Although it may seem like a relief not to go to the hospital every three weeks, like I've told many people, there's something comforting about actively doing something to fight the cancer off. Once treatment ends, it just feels like there's a guard down and the cancer could come back. I will be continuing hormonal treatment for the next 4.5 years, but that's just a pill and doesn't require me to go to the hospital.

I have officially gained almost 30 crazy pounds of weight since I was diagnosed. This depresses me, but every time I get down about it, the angel that resides in my soul reminds me that I should just be happy to be alive, so I am. Manulife is working with me to regain my strength back in my legs and left upper body side (surgery side) and also strengthen my heart by giving me a six month membership to a gym. I thought that was very nice of them. I just signed the papers two days ago, and I will try to beat the fatigue of yesterday's treatment and at least do a little work out today.

Physically, I'm getting better slowly. My legs don't bother me as much anymore. I saw a physiotherapist for my knee and she's helped it out alot. I'm hoping that with the exercise it will only get better.

I have developed a polyp in my uterus. Apparently this is normal when taking Tamoxifen (hormonal treatment). I had gone in for a routine pelvic examination and the lady told me that my uterus wall is thick and that she can see a polyp. My oncologist said she'll monitor it to see if there's any further changes. If there are, this could lead to endometrial cancer. "Friggin' FANTASTIC!!"

My heart has been doing well, my last heart test I was 62% which is a great improvement from the 50% I was post-chemo. I only hope to see that number increase as I start an exercise regime.

Now for the real life stuff! Christmas was good. I had celebrated Christmas with friends at my house since it was my first Christmas at my new house. It was great! I bought my first Christmas tree and decorated it in clear lights and all gold ornaments. It looked so beautiful. It's funny that only now after over 10 years of living on my own have I purchased a Christmas tree. My party was on Dec. 15th, the day of the big snow storm, but every one showed and being with all my friends was just heartwarming!

Life, as challenging as its been for me the last year and half is still very beautiful! I still try to create memorable moments any way I can and I'm trying to live out the best life I can. 2007 was a crappy, crappy year, but I survived it and it has only made me stronger. I just hope life gets a little easier for me because I can definitely use the break!

My niece, Jade, now lives with us. She moved in mid-December from living with her mom in Newcastle. She's happy here and definitely brings me joy every day! She just started school this week at her "new" school and has made friends easily. It was a little crazy at first because I have always treated my niece as my own daughter, but now having her actually live here has truly made me an instant mom. I wake up at 7am to make her lunch and breakfast and I'm constantly making sure that she's being well provided for. I help with homework, I am ....an instant mom! I'm still trying to adjust to waking up this early, but I figure it will only prepare me for when I return to work. It's hard work, motherhood, but I try to bite my tongue about whining about it because reality is, I may not ever have children thanks to cancer and so I want to live out my urge to be a mother with Jade.

I won't lie, I've had many challenges in the last three months, year for that matter. Most of them too personal to mention here, but what I can say is that I'm doing my very best to keep my head straight and above water. There HAS to be angel watching over me because I have the strength, patience and wisdom of an elephant! I have weak moments, but I don't allow myself to dwell or sink. My doctors are very concerned about my well-being as they feel that the current stress in my life will cause my cancer to return. I agree, and because I NEVER want to go through that again, I have seeked help and guidance.

New Years was very quiet. It really felt like an ordinary day. I, along with Jun and Jade went to my friend Daryl's house and celebrated New Years with him and his family.

I'll try to write some more once I think of what else to write. :)

Bye for now,
Jen