Detox: Day 3-7 and more....

Ok, so I lasted five days and cheated on day five/Friday night. I paid for it though...I was in the washroom by dessert! I'm now back to eating solid foods, but am loving my juicer so much that most of my food intake is through juicing. I eat approximately two small meals a day and the rest is the juice. I'm also not eating as much meat as I used to.

My hair is growing and I've stopped wearing hats. I have just under an inch all the way around, look like a boy, but I really don't care. It's much too hot to be wearing hats, especially on a day like yesterday where we hit 29 degrees.

I've moved and am all settled in. I love my house! I can't wait to entertain and have some of you over to see it. I also miss my old apartment, but I'm trying to just "let it go". You know me, I suffer from separation anxiety! :)

Other than that, I'm doing fairly well. I have herceptin tomorrow and will be asking my oncologist once again if I can return to work. The fatigue comes in doses. There are days when I'm good and days where I'm bad, but it's improved from before and mostly because of the juicing. As for the chemo brain, it's still there. I have days where I'm sharp like a knife and then suddenly I will bust out the old Dory without even knowing it! haha!

Spiritually and emotionally I feel a little weaker, but I'm trying to strengthen up in that department. I find myself easily annoyed, frustrated, STRESSED and pessimistic. I know I should "deal with it", but a big part of me just wants to escape and hope it just goes away by itself when I get back. I've never wanted a vacation as bad as I do now. The "me-time" I cherish feels non-existent these days. I've been spending alot of my days looking back at my backpacking trip to India and Thailand and wishing I could do it again. That trip did so much to nourish my soul and my soul needs nourishing like that again. Anyway, a vacation seems impossible for me these days and it just makes my whole situation a little worse because I can't go. Oh well...I just gotta hope it passes and passes soon!

I will try to take new pictures of me to post for you since I have hair now! I also FINALLY developed the film where my brother shaved my head. It was horrible to look at because I remember how awful I felt that day, but am thankful we got it captured in a photo for me to look back at. I will post it soon. I've had them since before I moved and now it's just a matter of finding it again.

I received my driver's license renewal in the mail the other day. When I first got diagnosed I read Lance Armstrong's book and he too had his license expire during treatment, but his was during chemo and he was truly bald. Thanks to him I don't feel so bad about having to take a new photo. I'm going to look like a boy in a picture, but like Lance says, it's a good reminder of where I've been and what I've been through and how I should live my life towards... and that's a fulfilling one!

I know my family in the Philippines reads my blog, so I just want them to know that I'm sending my love and strength their way. My nephew died at 17 when a drunk driver went into the wrong lane and hit him on his motorocycle. :(

I'll be in touch....until then, by for now.

Detox: Day 1 & 2

The first day was easier than I thought. I went to the Big Carrot and bought organic brown rice and veggies. I also picked up a litre of carrot juice and some take-out from there (paella and brocolli with carrots). I didn't realize how difficult it would be to find food without salt. All I had to eat yesterday was the brocolli with carrots, carrot juice and a medley of berries in the evening. I didn't crave any other food.

Today, I had the paella, more carrot juice and more fruit. I'm still not craving anything, which is great, but I've had a lingering headache all day today. This morning I picked up a juicer from Paul. He's the owner of the Main Squeeze (a juice bar) on Front St. and a really nice guy. He's the one that supplies the algae I've been taking and gave me a great deal on what looks like a serious juicer. It fits whole apples and whole carrots so there's no need to chop them into small pieces. Cleaning is simple also. Anyway, the juicer should help me succeed in this detox.

I slept most of the day because of the headache, but woke up just in time to watch game two of the Raptors. We won and I'm going back to bed. It hurts to keep my eyes open, but it's an indication that the detox is in progress and it's a good pain...like feeling sore after a workout. I NEED to get all this chemo out of my body.

Since I'm on this detox, I've decided to stop taking the Altace (for my heart). The evidence is not strong enough and I figure the amount of fruits and veggies I'm consuming will help my heart just the same. I haven't been back to the gym since I almost fainted. I'm scared to go back, but will try next week sometime. :)

I'm taking my achy head to bed. Good night!

Nine Months

Good morning,

Today, under my naturopathic doctor's guidance I'll be starting a detox. It's going to be tough, but I'm going to try it. For the next seven days all I can eat is organic brown rice, veggies (except for mushrooms and corn) and fruits (except for citrus fruits). It's very strict. I am not allowed to mix these foods until day 8. So if I want rice it just has to rice. I am not permitted coffee, sugar, salt, butter, bread, proteins, alcohol or my favorite, potato chips. From day 8 and on I start incorporating food back into my diet....mushrooms, corn, beans, fish, lean meats. I've been given milk thistle and some other supplement to help support my liver throughout this. So far, I haven't eaten anything today. Once I finish writing this, I'll be on my way to he grocery store.

I'm expecting that sometime later this week the toxins will have all exited my body and to be feeling like crap. I've heard that on Day 4 or 5 that I will all of a sudden have a burst of energy and start feeling well again. I'm hoping this will help with my energy levels, the weight gain and more importantly my liver function.

Last Saturday marked my nine month anniversary since being diagnosed. Crazy, huh? When I look back I can't believe the things I have gone through. Last Thursday when I had Herceptin at St. Mike's I was a "veteran". I remember being newly diagnosed and being hit with all this information and walking around permanantly overwhelmed. I remember my oncologist really pushing me to get a port-a-cath put in because I had bad veins and being so scared of having some foreign object inserted under my skin, threaded into my ventricular vein and left there for more than a year. I remember the nurse bringing me to a lady who showed me her's and reassured me that it wasn't that bad. And now, nine months later I'M the one who's in front of a lady who's just been diagnosed telling her the same thing...seeing that look of fear and overwhelment on her face was undeniable and so familiar. I truly felt at that very moment that yes, the worst of it was, is, over for me. I sat back in my chair for what was an especially long wait for my Herceptin and started looking forward to the things ahead for me....returning back to work and being with my amazing team and department, getting into my new house (yes, Jun and I are leaving The Esplanade...I can't believe it either!!), finishing this detox so that my body's clean and functioning back to normal (or at least better) than it is now. Losing some of the weight I had gained from the chemo and having an overall feeling of being simply, well. And looking forward to an eventful summer filled with bbq's, camping, get-together's and just sharing moments with those I love.

I've been getting alot of personal messages telling me not to end my blog yet, so I won't. Apparently there's curiosity as to how I'll transition from "cancer patient" to "normal human", so the blog will stay for now. I just felt like ending it because I don't have as much to say these days. Sure, the fatigue played a role in my laziness to continue, but I also didn't want to keep my daily readers hanging, waiting around for a new post. So just expect my new posts to be further apart, but I will continue to write my feelings, challenges, fears, epiphanies and so on.

Bye for now and thank you for being patient.

Jen

no energy

sorry for not updating my blog in a while. i haven't been sleeping well and my energy levels are lower than usual. i've been at home lying around not doing much, but resting. i'd love to get a good night's sleep, but these days it's non-existent.

i've been thinking about ending my blog. i'm not sure if it's the fatigue talking, but when i lie here at home i just don't have much else to say. a part of me feels guilty when i let a week go by without writing because i know there are people that check my blog every day, maybe two or three times a day.

hmm...

Almost Fainted!

Ok, so I just got home from the gym. I did 40 minutes of cardio and almost fainted when I got off! This has to be the Altace because it's lowering my normal blood pressure. I didn't know if I should ask for help or not. I found a wall to lean on and to hold me up while I tried to ride it out. Thankfully I didn't faint, but I walked right outta there and back home where I belong!

..and for some reason the sharp pains have moved from my breast to the underarm area! I've had two so far today and both times I screamed because it comes so unexpectedly and it's soooo painful! :(

Altace

I started taking Altace today, the pill that's meant for hypertension, but has been shown to protect one's heart while on Herceptin. I'm not sure what the side effects to this are, it will definitely lower my blood pressure, so I might feel dizzy or light-headed.

I'm feeling more and more fatigue. If I spend the day being active, I find myself completely wiped out for the next two days. I can't articulate the kind of tiredness this is, but it's painful in a way. I haven't been sleeping well, I'm averaging around five to six hours of sleep and my afternoon naps have become non-existent. The last time I went to the gym was March 23rd and I couldn't bring myself back until today. On Friday, I went out with some co-workers and spent the entire weekend recouping. On a positive note, my hair is still growing fast. I'm certain I have the most softest hair!! It's my new favorite feeling and actually come to think of it, I've never been petted so much in my life. The skin around my breast area is still healing and isn't as burnt as before, but the sharp pains are constant. I get them randomly throughout the day and hope it ends soon.

This Thursday I see a Naturopath. I'm looking forward to seeing her as she will help clean my body from all the toxicity of the treatments.

Good night!